The Vocation of Marriage

Twenty Seventh Ordinary Sunday Year B

Many people think that marriage is a matter of personal right. They feel that the decision is purely that of the couple. So long as they love one another and decide to marry, that’s enough. No matter what others may say, no matter what the church may teach, no matter what advice we receive from others, we still insist that we have a right to marry. The Church also recognizes the right of the individual to get married. But the Church also requires that the party who wish to marry understand the implications of marriage.

As a priest in this parish and as a judge in the church’s marriage tribunal, I’ve seen so many marriages fail. Some marriages don’t even last for a month. Couples separate weeks, months and just a few years after marriage. When I speak to couples who are separated or who are already divorced, it is always the same story. Many felt that they were not ready for marriage. They had not known each other enough. They had not understood what commitment in marriage is all about. They were more concerned about their own needs and issues. And very often, God was not present in their minds when they decided to get married.

Today’s readings may help us to understand what marriage is all about. I truly wish our young people would listen to the message contained within these readings. I also wish that those who are preparing to get married or their family members will also pay attention to the lessons to be learnt from today’s mass. For couples that are already married, today’s readings will be reminder to you of the commitment you made on the day of your wedding.

First, marriage is not a human institution. Marriage is a divine institution. It is a vocation. Very often, God is forgotten in all the busy-ness of making preparations for marriage. The couples are more concerned with the wedding dress, the dinner, the floral arrangement, the invitation cards and the wedding photos. God and the church is a necessary inconvenience. Many often think that the only reason why they have to see the priest is because they want to get married in church. The only reason why many want a church wedding is because of pressure from family members. In fact, I’ve seen many couples insisting that they want to get married in church but have never stepped into church for the last 10 years and would most likely not step into church again. The wedding has become a sentimental ceremony rather than a spiritual celebration of Gods’ love. I would like to remind everyone here that without God, there cannot be a true union in wedding. It is God who makes marriages possible and lasting. If God is absent from our lives, it would really be very difficult to make the marriage work.

Second, marriage calls for a conversion in the lives of the couples. Conversion must take place because “the two must become one body.” Conversion must take place in order for the couples to die to their selfishness. That is why the preparation is so important. I often hear of complaints from young couples who want to have a quick wedding with little fuss. They don’t seem to understand why they need to go for marriage preparation. Many who attend, do so out of compulsion because the priest tells them that they cannot get married unless they go through the marriage preparation course. Conversion can never be compelled. It must come freely.

Lastly, marriage is about commitment. A lack of commitment is a sign of immaturity. Love is all about commitment. Love is never about feelings and emotions. Commitment means accepting the whole package and not just the parts which we like – “for better or for worse”. Commitment means learning to forgive not only once but again and again. Commitment is more concerned with giving than with taking and receiving. Commitment calls us to change ourselves, not only once, but throughout our whole lives.

Today, family life and married life is under siege. Divorce is becoming a normal everyday occurrence. But the Church’s role, the role of every Christian is to continue promoting married life and family life in spite of the many challenges. Married life is a contradiction to the selfish and self-centred lifestyle of today’s generation. In such a selfish and self-centered generation, people are seen as objects to be used. When they are no longer seen as useful, they are then discarded. I especially appeal to parents to take up this responsibility. Your children will learn from your behaviour. Your marriage will affect your children and their future. If your marriage is in trouble, I hope that you would do something about it. Seek help. Seek counseling. Get the support of family and friends. Don’t wait till it’s too late.

Today, let us pray for all marriages and families. Let us pray especially for the marriages that are in trouble and for broken families. Let us pray for ourselves – whether we are still single, married or divorced – that God would continue to bring healing into our lives so that our lives would be marked with selfless love rather than selfishness.

The Family is Protagonist of Evangelisation

Priest Warns Against "Liquid Love"

ROME, SEPT. 16, 2009 (Zenit.org).- The Church is emphasizing the Christian family's role as the subject, not just the object, of evangelization, with a unique mission to reach out to people in their own circles.

This was one of the conclusions of a two-day international conference that ended Friday, and was organized in Rome by the Pontifical Council for the Family.

It focused on the family as a "subject of evangelization," and gathered married couples from around the world as well as priests involved in family pastoral care.

Monsignor Carlos Simon Vazquez, an under-secretary of the Pontifical Council for the Family, explained to ZENIT that the seminar concentrated in particular on the teaching of the Second Vatican Council, the constitution "Gaudium et Spes," and the apostolic exhortation "Familiaris Consortio," signed by John Paul II after the 1980 Synod on the Family.

This document, he said, "presents us with a theology, a pastoral program on the family, which is rooted in the mystery of God and is called to be the presence of that love of God, of that God who wants to communicate his good news to the whole world."

The priest stated that the family "is called to make that God present in history," as "Gadium et Spes" explains, presenting it as a "subject that must make a reality the assumptions it poses in the first part of the document: for example, it must be present in the international service, in the service to society, to culture, and in the other services in which the Church has a word to express."

Monsignor Vazquez said that the family is reduced to an evangelizing "object" and is not seen as an evangelizing subject "when we see in it an object that does things, that resolves problems."

He added: "The family does all that but above all it is a being loved by God; therefore, its action is its being. It isn't a sort of solution of problems but fulfills this mission because it lives a vocation that God has given it in love."

The family "is the place of gratitude, of generosity, where all find a reason to hope and to be secure, not because of what they have but because of what they are and this is the translation of the dynamics of love," noted the priest.

Society and family

Father Leopold Vives, former secretary of the Family and Life Commission of the Lay Apostolate of the Spanish episcopal conference, pointed out the leading role of the family in the light of Benedict XVI's new encyclical "Caritas in Veritate."

In an interview with ZENIT, he said, "Society's progress passes through the family's progress."

The priest explained two aspects of this progress: "The first is the relationship of truth and love: human progress must be integral and this can only happen in interpersonal relationship -- hence, a relationship of love.

"If this relationship of love is not lived according to the true person, development is fictitious; there can be great economic development, with the means at our disposal, but not in the person."

The second aspect, he said, "is openness to man's transcendence which goes beyond an earthly horizon."

"Without the latter," Father Vives said, "we are outside of the integral truth of man and, therefore, outside of his true good and we are then again in a fictitious development."

The priest stressed in particular the passage of the Pope's encyclical in which he shows the relationship between the family and the Trinity. It describes how the family lives from its communion of love with the Triune God.

He affirmed, "Surely man's fullness is there not only on earth but in the full communion with God in heaven."

Father Vives pointed out that one example that shows how the family becomes an object and not a subject is the "gender ideology."

He explained: "The institution of the family is rooted in the person's very nature. In the case of the gender ideology we have a denial of the truth of man, because we have fragmented him, regarding our body as something material, independent of the person which I, from my liberty, can mold to my taste, completely separated from what the person is, who expresses himself from his freedom, also understood badly, that is: 'I am a person because I am free and as I am free I can choose.' This is not so."

The priest continued: "A person is one in his unity of body and soul and, therefore, my own identity cannot be true if it does not take into account the original and essential acts of who I am. In the first place, I am man or woman.

"The family based on marriage, the union between one man and one woman, is the truth of man. Without it, we are destroying the most fundamental relationship of the person, which is the conjugal relationship, and in this way the relationship between parents and children is destroyed.

"Here one's own identity is wounded, knowing who I am in a personal relationship: 'I am me because you are; you are, and I am different from you.' However, if we cancel that difference, which is what the gender ideology intends, we take away the foundation of personal identity. If I try to construct my personal identity apart from my masculine being, I am in constant contradiction of my own being."

No foundation

Father Vives stated that one of the great challenges for young couples who want to get married in the Church is "liquid love," namely, "something that isn't consistent, that has no foundation, something on which one cannot build because it is reduced to various feelings."

"Of course there are feelings in love and this forms an important and very striking part for young people, but it cannot be reduced to a feeling," he stressed.

The priest stated: "Love is a communion that springs from the gift of oneself. And that gift is a total self-giving. This is what gives the foundation to a relationship.

"It's what does not happen in a relationship of 'liquid love,' of individuals who don't have the capacity for sacrifice, self-giving and fidelity, who are not capable of promising because they regard the future as something uncertain."

To overcome "liquid love," Father Vives suggested deepening in the understanding what it means to be Christian.

He said: "When one understands that one has a vocation, that this vocation is a gift of God which is sanctified by a sacrament, then individuals are that much more disposed to be able to keep the promise to live love, to build strong and stable relationships.

"To do so, the bond with the Church is fundamental. To be married in the Lord is at the same time an adherence to the Church because it is the body of Christ. In God they can find that love that spouses dream about and that makes them able to stay united."

The priest concluded: "Nor is it possible to live love without forgiveness and all this is nourished by the cooperation of the spouses with the sacramental grace."